my new year began with my death

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Aishah Ho. 2009

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                                        My new year began with my death.

   There i was, like the three others, 

kneeling on the ground,

 

                    waiting in the death row

                          

              in the death row

                                                                      blind-folded

              Hands tied behind our backs.

They grinned,

                 they chopped

                        and unto to the gound... 

                        

              

                                                                     the heads rolled.

                                                                   The sharp blade rose above me

 ...... it was my turn.

                                                               Darkness.

                                                                                                  ...It was still darkness. 

Silent. 

Thud.

And I was dead.

                        

                                            

         Weeks later I quitted my mouse-clicking job, graduated from a crash-course Relationship 101 with Jet Li(sponsored by the Creator of evolution and science), converted to a monk, my room was struck by lightning, then I played truant with Famous Amos and bleached their colored uniforms after that, lost my *precious* 4kgs of body mass (No need to clap, Anne-o-Rexia, i didn't do it on purpose.) and then I became a hypocrite tudung-clad friend.
 
 Be sure We shall test you with something of fear and hunger some loss in goods or lives or the fruits (of your toil) but give glad tidings to those who patiently persevere. (Quran)

“Verily, with hardship comes ease." - Quran

On August, August arrived and stayed in AISHAH's heart... As for my brother, he found his Angeline and I,  I finally was able to say "I love my job," got a blue room, a new head of hair, and had learned a valuable understanding on acceptance, forgiveness, and a different glimpse of the creation named Love. :)

  Every adversity, every failure, every heartache carries with it the seed on an equal or greater benefit. - Napoleon Hill

believer's traits

42:37 (Y. Ali) Those who avoid the greater crimes and shameful deeds, and, when they are angry even then forgive;

42:38 (Y. Ali) Those who hearken to their Lord, and establish regular Prayer; who (conduct) their affairs by mutual Consultation; who spend out of what We bestow on them for Sustenance;

42:39 (Y. Ali) And those who, when an oppressive wrong is inflicted on them, (are not cowed but) help and defend themselves.

Provision

42:26
And He listens to those who believe and do deeds of righteousness, and gives them increase of His bounty: but for the unbelievers there is a terrible penalty.

42:27
If Allah were to enlarge the provision for His servants, they would indeed transgress beyond all bounds through the earth; but He sends down in due measure as He pleases. For He is with His servants Well-Acquainted, Watchful.

42:36
Whatever you are given is a convenience of this life: but that which is with Allah is better and more lasting: for those who believe and put their trust in their Lord.

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17:18 (Asad) Unto him who cares for this fleeting life We readily grant thereof as much as We please, to whomever it is Our will; but in the end We consign him to hell; [23] which he will have to endure disgraced and disowned! -

17:19 (Asad) But as for those who care for the life to come, and strive for it as it ought to be striven for, and are believers withal [24] -they are the ones whose striving finds favour!

17:20 (Asad) All -these as well as those -do We freely endow with some of thy Sustainer's gifts, since thy Sustainer's giving is never confined

17:21 (Asad) Behold how We bestow more bounty on some of them than on others: but the life to come will be far higher in degree and far greater in merit and bounty.

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34:36
Say: "Verily my lord enlarges and restricts the Provision to whom He pleases, but most men understand not."


34:37
It is not your wealth nor your sons, that will bring you nearer to Us in degree: but only those who believe and work righteousness -- these are the ones for whom there is a multiplied reward for their deeds, while secure they in the dwelling on high!


34:39
Say: "Verily my Lord enlarges and restricts the sustance to such of His servants as He pleases: and nothing do you spent in the least but He replaces it: for He is the Best of those who grant sustance."

Bald.

Grandma smiled showing her white teeth when she saw me bald.A light warmed my heart that very moment. Such sweet, sincere smile, one that came from a non-judgmental mind but an amused one.

It was my sister who helped me shave my head.
My parents' reaction? "Bald? Ouh ok."

Perhaps it was my mum's influence that freed my hands from the chain of gender-based stereotypes. I see it was nothing wrong for gals to be bald, and i felt like going bald, so i was free to do so.  (Most guys like gals with long hair and most gals like guys with short hair, i knew that. But what the heck,it was my head, my choice.) But society wasn't ready for this, and i wasn't brave enough, so i wore the head-scarf.




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Today was the first day the kids saw me without the tudung.

Natalie, the 6-year-old kid commented,
"Auntie, your hair is so so so so so not nice."
then she proceeded to suggest some beauty tips.
 "First straighten your hair, then only you cut."
"See, i straightened mine, that's why i let it down"

"ouh~ nice." i replied after laughing, amused by her honesty and choice of words for being tactful. :)

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Being bald, wearing the head-scarf and having short hair is interesting. It's time to grow waist-length hair. :p

Imagination.

"Class, in a minute the president of the united state will enter this class. He'll have important message for kids from all the over the world. You are his news reporters/journalist, news writers."

The kids paid attention.

"When the Presidents talks, just listen. Erm, .. this president has.. *points finger towards head* short term memory, he'll repeat whatever he has just said. When he does that, that's when you write down what he's saying.

After he repeated what he said, that's when you check again. We'll send your writings to the Star newspaper, Nan Yang Siang Pau and Malay newspapers."

"Dictation againnn, Auntieee?"

"Dictation from the president! Take out one pencil, one eraser and one ruler. I'll go and call the president now"

The mentor went out from class,and after 30 seconds, she entered the class. Kids started to giggle.

"Ehem! I am president Obama. I have an important message for you. Write it down!"
More giggles.


"Wednesday is the third day of the week. Today is Tuesday. *looks towards the whiteboard, note: Monday, 14/12/09*....



...I have three classes in a week. Where are you sitting? *looks towards a kid* She is sitting between the wall and the window.... "

*more laughter*
--Yeah, important message from Mr. Obama indeed.--

Then the president began to forget things...

"Ahh...What did i just say? ahhah! * Kids looked amused.. Mentor then repeated the sentences and kids started to take dictation*"



I heart my job.

Somethings are better left unsaid.

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Again we were squabbling about the house chores. who's going to wash the dishes and who's going to do the laundry...

"I hung several clothes."

"Why did you do that?? It's her turn."

"So, now you have to hang the clothes and do the dishes."

"huhh.. no. I'll wash the dishes, and you'll hang them"

"That time you said you were sick and then you laughed (so you didn't hang the clothes that day)"

"I WAS sick."

"*mumbled something unpleasant* ...buruk perangai."

** silent **

A comeback was needed but some restrain was needed too, so the sibling said,
"Good luck to you."

** silent **

After some thoughts on the implication of that statement, another sibling replied,
"Good luck to you too."

** silent **


"... Thank you."


And then the squabble ended.